1
00:00:01,550 --> 00:00:03,905
Ready, march!
2
00:00:05,070 --> 00:00:07,186
[DRUMROLL]
3
00:00:16,230 --> 00:00:19,621
Eyes… right!
4
00:00:26,391 --> 00:00:28,029
Eyes right!
5
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:38,866
[DING]
6
00:00:41,871 --> 00:00:43,623
[PHONOGRAPH PLAYING]
7
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,861
[ARTILLERY BLASTING OUTSIDE]
8
00:00:45,951 --> 00:00:48,261
[RECORD SKIPS]
9
00:00:55,111 --> 00:00:57,864
God, why do they bother?!
10
00:00:57,951 --> 00:01:00,507
Well, it's to kill Jerry, isn't it, sir?
11
00:01:00,591 --> 00:01:03,663
Yes, but Jerry is safe
underground in concrete bunkers.
12
00:01:03,751 --> 00:01:07,027
We've shot off over a million
cannon shells and what's the result?
13
00:01:07,111 --> 00:01:10,024
One dachshund with a slight limp!
14
00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:12,421
Shut up!
15
00:01:12,511 --> 00:01:13,865
Thank you!
16
00:01:13,951 --> 00:01:16,027
Right, I'm off to bed
where I intend to sleep
17
00:01:16,111 --> 00:01:19,104
until my name changes to Rip Van Adder.
18
00:01:30,832 --> 00:01:35,708
-Aah…
-[NOISE OF PLANES OVERHEAD]
19
00:01:35,792 --> 00:01:37,828
Oh, God! Bloody Germans!
20
00:01:37,912 --> 00:01:39,348
They can't take a joke, can they?
21
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:41,468
Just because we take
a few pot-shots at them,
22
00:01:41,552 --> 00:01:44,028
they have to have an
air raid to get their own back.
23
00:01:44,112 --> 00:01:45,508
Where are our air force?
24
00:01:45,592 --> 00:01:48,584
They're meant to defend
us against this sort of thing.
25
00:01:50,072 --> 00:01:51,506
Right, that's it!
26
00:01:54,312 --> 00:01:55,788
Hello?
27
00:01:55,872 --> 00:01:57,783
Yes, yes, I'd like to leave a message
28
00:01:57,872 --> 00:01:59,908
for the head of the Flying Corps, please.
29
00:01:59,992 --> 00:02:03,303
That's Air Chief Marshal Sir
Hugh Massingbird-Massingbird,
30
00:02:03,392 --> 00:02:05,028
VC, DFCV and BAAR.
31
00:02:05,112 --> 00:02:08,025
Message reads:
"Where are you, you bastard?"
32
00:02:08,112 --> 00:02:10,069
Here I am, sir.
33
00:02:10,153 --> 00:02:11,789
For God's sake, Baldrick, take cover.
34
00:02:11,873 --> 00:02:12,869
Why's that, sir?
35
00:02:12,953 --> 00:02:14,189
Because there's an air raid going on
36
00:02:14,273 --> 00:02:17,029
And I don't want to have to
write to your mother at London Zoo
37
00:02:17,113 --> 00:02:20,663
and tell her that her
only human child is dead.
38
00:02:20,753 --> 00:02:22,027
All right, sir.
39
00:02:22,113 --> 00:02:24,229
It's just that I didn't know
there was an air raid on.
40
00:02:24,313 --> 00:02:28,022
I couldn't hear anything over
the noise of the terrific display
41
00:02:28,113 --> 00:02:30,989
by our wonderful boys of
the Royal Flying Corps, sir.
42
00:02:31,073 --> 00:02:32,029
What?
43
00:02:32,113 --> 00:02:34,024
I say, those chaps can't half thunder
44
00:02:34,113 --> 00:02:37,026
in their airborne steeds, can't they just?
45
00:02:37,113 --> 00:02:39,509
Oh, hello, what's going on here?
Game of hide and seek?
46
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:40,663
Excellent!
47
00:02:40,753 --> 00:02:42,269
Right now, I'll go and count to a hundred.
48
00:02:42,353 --> 00:02:44,029
Uh, no. Better make it five, actually.
49
00:02:44,113 --> 00:02:45,626
-George…
-Oh, it's sardines.
50
00:02:45,713 --> 00:02:47,669
Oh, excellent!
That's my favorite one, that.
51
00:02:47,753 --> 00:02:48,868
-George.
-Yes, sir?
52
00:02:48,953 --> 00:02:51,429
Shut up, and never say
anything again as long as you live.
53
00:02:51,513 --> 00:02:53,469
Right you are, sir.
54
00:02:53,553 --> 00:02:55,464
Crikey, but what a show it was, sir.
55
00:02:55,553 --> 00:02:57,863
Lord Flashheart's Flying Aces.
56
00:02:57,953 --> 00:02:59,749
How we cheered when they spun.
57
00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:01,390
How we shouted when they dived.
58
00:03:01,474 --> 00:03:04,870
How we applauded when one chap
got sliced in half by his own propeller.
59
00:03:04,954 --> 00:03:06,786
Well, it's all part of the joke
60
00:03:06,874 --> 00:03:09,110
for those magnificent men
in their flying machines.
61
00:03:09,194 --> 00:03:10,830
[PLANES CRASHING]
62
00:03:10,914 --> 00:03:14,305
For Magnificent Men read
"biggest show-offs" since Lady Godiva
63
00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:16,425
entered the royal enclosure at Ascot
64
00:03:16,509 --> 00:03:19,025
claiming she had
literally nothing to wear.
65
00:03:19,114 --> 00:03:21,025
I don't care how many times
66
00:03:21,114 --> 00:03:23,150
they go up-diddly-up-up,
they're still gits!
67
00:03:23,234 --> 00:03:26,943
Oh, come on, sir! I'd love to be a flyer.
68
00:03:27,034 --> 00:03:29,184
Up there where the air is clear.
69
00:03:29,274 --> 00:03:34,470
The chances of the air being clear
anywhere near you, Baldrick, are zero!
70
00:03:34,554 --> 00:03:38,229
Oh, sir.
It'd be great, swooping and diving.
71
00:03:38,314 --> 00:03:40,030
[MAKING AIRPLANE NOISE]
72
00:03:40,114 --> 00:03:41,229
Baldrick.
73
00:03:41,314 --> 00:03:42,314
[DRONES ON]
74
00:03:43,794 --> 00:03:44,909
Baldrick.
75
00:03:47,114 --> 00:03:49,025
Baldrick, what are you doing?
76
00:03:49,114 --> 00:03:51,503
I'm a Sopwith Camel, sir.
77
00:03:51,594 --> 00:03:52,991
Oh, it is a Sopwith Camel.
78
00:03:53,075 --> 00:03:54,151
Ah, right, I always get confused
79
00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,031
between the sound of a Sopwith Camel
80
00:03:56,115 --> 00:03:59,031
and the sound of a malodorous
runt wasting everybody's time.
81
00:03:59,115 --> 00:04:01,831
Now, if you can do without
me in the nursery for a while,
82
00:04:01,915 --> 00:04:03,633
I'm going to get some fresh air.
83
00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:09,431
Ha! Eat knuckle, Fritz!
84
00:04:09,515 --> 00:04:10,515
Ooh!
85
00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:12,704
How disgusting.
86
00:04:12,795 --> 00:04:14,786
A Boche on the sole of my boot.
87
00:04:14,875 --> 00:04:17,031
I shall have to find a
patch of grass to wipe it on.
88
00:04:17,115 --> 00:04:18,791
Probably get shunned
in the officers' mess.
89
00:04:18,875 --> 00:04:20,031
Sorry about the pong, you fellows,
90
00:04:20,115 --> 00:04:23,028
Trod in a Boche and
can't get rid of the whiff.
91
00:04:23,115 --> 00:04:24,551
Do you think we could dispense
92
00:04:24,635 --> 00:04:27,468
with the hilarious doggy-do
metaphor for a moment?
93
00:04:27,555 --> 00:04:28,465
I'm not a Boche.
94
00:04:28,555 --> 00:04:30,626
-This is a British trench.
-Is it?
95
00:04:30,715 --> 00:04:32,069
Oh, that's a piece of luck.
96
00:04:32,155 --> 00:04:35,031
Thought I'd landed sausage-side! Ha!
97
00:04:35,115 --> 00:04:36,469
Mind if I use your phone?
98
00:04:36,555 --> 00:04:38,031
If word gets out that I'm missing,
99
00:04:38,115 --> 00:04:39,911
five hundred girls will kill themselves.
100
00:04:39,995 --> 00:04:41,751
I wouldn't want them on my conscience,
101
00:04:41,835 --> 00:04:43,826
not when they ought to be on my face!
102
00:04:46,956 --> 00:04:48,629
Hi, Flashheart here.
103
00:04:48,716 --> 00:04:50,152
Yeah, cancel the state funeral,
104
00:04:50,236 --> 00:04:53,352
tell the king to stop blubbing.
Flash is not dead.
105
00:04:53,436 --> 00:04:55,029
I simply ran out of juice!
106
00:04:55,116 --> 00:04:57,585
Yeah, and before all
the girls start saying,
107
00:04:57,676 --> 00:04:59,112
"Oh, what's the point of living anymore,"
108
00:04:59,196 --> 00:05:02,188
I'm talking about petrol! Woof, woof!
109
00:05:02,276 --> 00:05:04,672
Yeah, I dumped the kite
on the proles, so send a car.
110
00:05:04,756 --> 00:05:06,352
General Melchett's driver should do.
111
00:05:06,436 --> 00:05:07,872
She hangs around with the big nobs,
112
00:05:07,956 --> 00:05:10,512
so she'll be used to a fellow like me!
Woof, woof!
113
00:05:10,596 --> 00:05:13,672
Look, do you think you could make
your obscene phone call somewhere else?
114
00:05:13,756 --> 00:05:18,032
No, not in half an hour,
you rubber-desk johnny.
115
00:05:18,116 --> 00:05:22,030
Send the bitch with the wheels
right now, or I'll fly back to England
116
00:05:22,116 --> 00:05:24,676
and give your wife something
to hang her towels on.
117
00:05:26,356 --> 00:05:28,029
Okay, dig out your best booze
118
00:05:28,116 --> 00:05:30,471
and let's talk about
me 'til the car comes.
119
00:05:30,556 --> 00:05:33,752
You must be pretty impressed having
squadron commander The Lord Flashheart
120
00:05:33,836 --> 00:05:36,032
drop in on your squalid bit of line.
121
00:05:36,116 --> 00:05:37,433
Actually, no.
122
00:05:37,517 --> 00:05:39,473
I was more impressed by the
contents of my handkerchief
123
00:05:39,557 --> 00:05:40,833
the last time I blew my nose.
124
00:05:40,917 --> 00:05:43,473
Yeah, like hell.
125
00:05:43,557 --> 00:05:44,553
Huh, huh.
126
00:05:44,637 --> 00:05:46,473
You've probably got little piccies of me
127
00:05:46,557 --> 00:05:48,833
on the walls of your dugout, haven't you?
128
00:05:48,917 --> 00:05:51,873
I bet you go all girly and
giggly every time you look at me!
129
00:05:51,957 --> 00:05:52,913
I'm afraid not.
130
00:05:52,997 --> 00:05:55,633
Unfortunately, most of the
infantry think you're a prat.
131
00:05:55,717 --> 00:05:57,593
Ask them who they'd prefer to meet,
132
00:05:57,677 --> 00:05:59,827
Squadron Commander Flashheart
133
00:05:59,917 --> 00:06:02,633
and the man who cleans out
the public toilets in Aberdeen,
134
00:06:02,717 --> 00:06:06,426
and they'd go for Wee Jock
"Poo-Pong" McPlop every time.
135
00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:10,387
[LAUGHS]
136
00:06:10,477 --> 00:06:11,477
[SMACK]
137
00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:15,432
So when that fellow looped-the-loop,
138
00:06:15,517 --> 00:06:19,072
I honestly thought that, that, that…
My God!
139
00:06:19,157 --> 00:06:20,157
Yes, I suppose I am.
140
00:06:21,397 --> 00:06:25,108
Lord Flashheart, this is
the greatest honor of my life.
141
00:06:25,197 --> 00:06:28,113
I hope I snuff it right now to
preserve this moment forever.
142
00:06:28,197 --> 00:06:30,667
It could be arranged.
143
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:33,432
Lord Flashheart, I want to learn to write
144
00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:36,670
so I can send a letter home
about this golden moment.
145
00:06:36,758 --> 00:06:39,068
So all the fellows hate me, eh?
146
00:06:39,158 --> 00:06:40,273
Not a bit of it.
147
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:41,954
I'm your bloody hero, eh, old scout?
148
00:06:42,038 --> 00:06:43,354
Jesus!
149
00:06:43,438 --> 00:06:48,592
My lord, I've got every cigarette
card they ever printed of you.
150
00:06:48,678 --> 00:06:50,828
My whole family took up smoking
151
00:06:50,918 --> 00:06:53,034
just so that we could get the whole set.
152
00:06:53,118 --> 00:06:56,748
My grandmother smoked herself to death
153
00:06:56,838 --> 00:06:58,274
so we could afford the album.
154
00:06:58,358 --> 00:07:00,314
Of course she did, of course she did,
155
00:07:00,398 --> 00:07:03,868
The poor love-crazed old octogenarian.
156
00:07:03,958 --> 00:07:05,314
Well, all right, you fellows.
157
00:07:05,398 --> 00:07:08,074
Let's sit us down and yarn about
how amazingly attractive I am.
158
00:07:08,158 --> 00:07:09,714
Yes, would you excuse me for a moment?
159
00:07:09,798 --> 00:07:11,709
I've got some urgent business.
160
00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:14,594
There's a bucket outside
I've got to be sick into.
161
00:07:14,678 --> 00:07:17,033
Yooo-hooo!
162
00:07:17,118 --> 00:07:19,834
All right, you chaps, let's get comfy.
163
00:07:19,918 --> 00:07:21,875
You look like a decent British bloke.
164
00:07:21,959 --> 00:07:23,955
I'll park the old booties
on you if that's okay.
165
00:07:24,039 --> 00:07:25,675
It would be an honor, my lord.
166
00:07:25,759 --> 00:07:28,672
Of course it would! Ha!
167
00:07:28,759 --> 00:07:30,989
Ah… Have you any idea what it's like
168
00:07:31,079 --> 00:07:33,548
to have the wind
rushing through your hair?
169
00:07:33,639 --> 00:07:34,435
No, sir.
170
00:07:34,519 --> 00:07:36,635
[FLATULATING]
171
00:07:36,719 --> 00:07:39,950
He has! Lucky devil!
172
00:07:41,119 --> 00:07:43,035
So I flew straight through
her bedroom window,
173
00:07:43,119 --> 00:07:44,995
popped a box of chocs
on the dressing table,
174
00:07:45,079 --> 00:07:46,995
machine-gunned my
telephone number into the wall,
175
00:07:47,079 --> 00:07:49,229
and then shot off and shagged her sister.
176
00:07:49,319 --> 00:07:50,354
[CLEARS THROAT]
177
00:07:50,439 --> 00:07:53,511
Driver Parkhurst
reporting for duty, my lord.
178
00:07:53,599 --> 00:07:54,995
Well, well, well.
179
00:07:55,079 --> 00:07:57,035
If it isn't little Bobby Parkhurst…
180
00:07:57,119 --> 00:07:59,075
Saucier than a direct
hit on a Heinz factory.
181
00:07:59,159 --> 00:08:00,555
I've come to pick you up.
182
00:08:00,639 --> 00:08:02,075
Well, that's how like my girls…
183
00:08:02,159 --> 00:08:04,389
Direct and to my point. Woof!
184
00:08:04,479 --> 00:08:05,355
Woof!
185
00:08:05,439 --> 00:08:08,670
[PASSIONATE KISSING NOISES]
186
00:08:10,959 --> 00:08:12,596
Ah! Tally ho, then!
187
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,034
Back to the bar.
188
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,076
You should join the Flying Corps, George.
189
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:17,876
That's the way to fight a war.
190
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,474
Tasty tuck, soft beds
and a uniform so smart
191
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,756
It's got a Ph.D. from Cambridge.
192
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,309
You could even bring
the breath monster here.
193
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:26,754
Anyone can be a navigator
194
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:27,756
If he can tell his ass from his elbow.
195
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,990
Well, that's Baldrick out, I fear…
196
00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:32,036
We're always looking for talented types
197
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,116
To join the Twenty-Minuters.
198
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:34,756
And there goes George.
199
00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:36,636
Tally ho, then, Bobby.
200
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,552
Hush, here comes a whizbang
201
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,556
and I think you know
what I'm talking about!
202
00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,392
-Woof!
-Woof!
203
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,074
God, it's like crufts in here!
204
00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:48,869
I say, sir, what a splendid notion.
The Twenty-Minuters.
205
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:52,032
Soft tucker, tasty beds, fluffy uniforms.
206
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,236
Begging your permission, sir,
207
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,436
but why do they call
them the Twenty Minuters?
208
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:56,749
Ah, now, yes,
209
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,396
Now this one is in my
Brooke Bond Book of the Air.
210
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,276
Now, you have to collect all the cards
211
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,237
and then stick them into this
wonderful presentation booklet.
212
00:09:04,321 --> 00:09:06,957
Uh… Ah, here we are, Twenty-Minuters.
213
00:09:07,041 --> 00:09:08,952
Oh, damn! Haven't got the card yet.
214
00:09:09,041 --> 00:09:11,037
Ah, but the caption says "Twenty minutes
215
00:09:11,121 --> 00:09:14,352
is the average amount of
time new pilots spend in the air."
216
00:09:14,441 --> 00:09:16,477
-Twenty minutes.
-That's right, sir.
217
00:09:16,561 --> 00:09:19,030
I had a twenty-hour watch yesterday,
218
00:09:19,121 --> 00:09:21,635
With four hours overtime,
in two feet of water.
219
00:09:21,801 --> 00:09:24,037
Well then, for goodness
sake, sir, why don't we join?
220
00:09:24,121 --> 00:09:26,717
Yeah, be better than just
sitting around here all day
221
00:09:26,801 --> 00:09:28,712
on our elbows.
222
00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:31,031
No, thank you. No, thank you.
223
00:09:31,121 --> 00:09:32,873
I have no desire to hang around
224
00:09:32,961 --> 00:09:35,032
With a bunch of upper-class delinquents,
225
00:09:35,121 --> 00:09:36,395
do twenty minutes work,
226
00:09:36,481 --> 00:09:39,037
and then spend the rest of
the day loafing about in Paris,
227
00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,917
drinking gallons of champagne
228
00:09:41,001 --> 00:09:42,674
and having dozens of moist, pink,
229
00:09:42,761 --> 00:09:45,753
highly-experienced
young French peasant girls
230
00:09:45,841 --> 00:09:50,237
galloping up and down my… Hang on.
231
00:09:50,401 --> 00:09:51,357
[KNOCKING]
232
00:09:51,441 --> 00:09:52,761
Come!
233
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:56,596
Ah, Captain Blackadder.
234
00:09:56,682 --> 00:09:57,798
Good morning, Captain Darling.
235
00:09:57,882 --> 00:09:59,077
What do you want?
236
00:09:59,162 --> 00:10:01,038
You're looking so well.
237
00:10:01,122 --> 00:10:02,358
I'm a busy man, Blackadder.
238
00:10:02,442 --> 00:10:03,358
Let's hear it, whatever it is.
239
00:10:03,442 --> 00:10:07,037
Well, you know, Darling, every man…
240
00:10:07,122 --> 00:10:10,037
-Every man has a dream…
-Hmm.
241
00:10:10,122 --> 00:10:11,078
And when I was a small boy,
242
00:10:11,162 --> 00:10:12,798
I used to watch the marsh warblers
243
00:10:12,882 --> 00:10:15,351
swooping in my mothers undercroft,
244
00:10:15,442 --> 00:10:16,638
and I remember thinking,
245
00:10:16,722 --> 00:10:19,032
'will men ever dare do the same?'
246
00:10:19,122 --> 00:10:20,078
And you know…
247
00:10:20,162 --> 00:10:22,238
Oh, you want to join
the Royal Flying Corps?
248
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:24,313
Oh, that's a thought.
249
00:10:24,402 --> 00:10:26,278
-Could I?
-No, you couldn't!
250
00:10:26,362 --> 00:10:27,591
Goodbye!
251
00:10:27,682 --> 00:10:30,913
Look, come on, Darling, just
give me an application form.
252
00:10:31,002 --> 00:10:32,038
It's out of the question.
253
00:10:32,122 --> 00:10:33,172
This is simply a ruse
254
00:10:33,642 --> 00:10:34,154
to waste five months of training
255
00:10:34,242 --> 00:10:36,278
after which you'll claim
you can't fly after all
256
00:10:36,362 --> 00:10:38,158
because it makes your ears go "pop."
257
00:10:38,242 --> 00:10:39,718
Come on, I wasn't born
yesterday, Blackadder.
258
00:10:39,802 --> 00:10:40,951
More's the pity,
259
00:10:41,042 --> 00:10:44,034
we could have started your
personality from scratch.
260
00:10:44,122 --> 00:10:46,636
So, the training period
is five months, is it?
261
00:10:46,722 --> 00:10:49,158
It's no concern of
yours if it's five years
262
00:10:49,243 --> 00:10:51,079
and comes with a free holiday in Tunisia,
263
00:10:51,163 --> 00:10:53,039
contraceptives supplied.
264
00:10:53,123 --> 00:10:54,319
Besides, they wouldn't admit you.
265
00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:56,039
It's not easy getting transfers, you know.
266
00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:57,679
Oh, you've tried it yourself, have you?
267
00:10:57,763 --> 00:10:59,515
No, I haven't.
268
00:10:59,603 --> 00:11:02,319
Trust you to try and skive
off to some cushy option.
269
00:11:02,403 --> 00:11:03,677
There's nothing cushy
270
00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:06,835
about life in the Womens'
Auxiliary Balloon Corps.
271
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,679
And then the bishop said,
272
00:11:09,763 --> 00:11:12,479
"I'm awfully sorry, I didn't
realize you meant organist."
273
00:11:12,563 --> 00:11:15,439
[LAUGHING]
274
00:11:15,523 --> 00:11:16,638
Thank you, George.
275
00:11:16,723 --> 00:11:18,519
At ease, everybody. Now, where's my map?
276
00:11:18,603 --> 00:11:20,037
-Come on.
-Sir!
277
00:11:20,123 --> 00:11:21,272
Thank you.
278
00:11:22,803 --> 00:11:27,036
God, it's a barren, featureless
desert out there, isn't it?
279
00:11:27,123 --> 00:11:28,397
The other side, sir!
280
00:11:30,203 --> 00:11:31,273
Hello, George.
281
00:11:31,363 --> 00:11:32,717
What are you doing here?
282
00:11:32,803 --> 00:11:35,039
Me, sir? I just popped in to
join the Royal Flying Corps.
283
00:11:35,123 --> 00:11:37,637
Hello, Blackadder.
What are you doing here?
284
00:11:37,723 --> 00:11:40,040
Me, sir? I just popped in to
join the Royal Flying Corps.
285
00:11:40,124 --> 00:11:43,160
-And, of course, I said…
-Bravo, I hope, Darling.
286
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:45,000
Because, you know,
I've always had my doubts
287
00:11:45,084 --> 00:11:47,040
about you trenchy-type fellows.
288
00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:49,040
Always suspected there
might be a bit too much
289
00:11:49,124 --> 00:11:51,035
of the battle-dodging, nappy-wearing,
290
00:11:51,124 --> 00:11:52,280
I'd-rather-have-a-cup-of-tea
291
00:11:52,364 --> 00:11:54,280
Than-charge-stark-naked-
at-Jerry about you.
292
00:11:54,364 --> 00:11:57,038
But if you're willing to
join the Twenty-Minuters,
293
00:11:57,124 --> 00:12:00,515
Then you're all right by me and
welcome to marry my sister any day.
294
00:12:00,604 --> 00:12:01,920
Are you sure about this, sir?
295
00:12:02,004 --> 00:12:03,960
Certainly, you should
hear the noise she makes
296
00:12:04,044 --> 00:12:06,274
when she eats a boiled egg.
297
00:12:06,364 --> 00:12:08,040
Be glad to get her out of the house.
298
00:12:08,124 --> 00:12:11,037
So, report back here 0900
hours for your basic training.
299
00:12:11,124 --> 00:12:13,840
Crikey! I'm looking forward to today.
300
00:12:13,924 --> 00:12:16,040
Up-diddly-up, down-diddly-down,
301
00:12:16,124 --> 00:12:17,717
Whoops-poop, twiddly-dee.
302
00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:20,557
Decent scrap with the fiendish Red Baron,
303
00:12:20,644 --> 00:12:22,840
a bit of a jolly old crash
landing behind enemy lines,
304
00:12:22,924 --> 00:12:24,480
capture, torture, escape
305
00:12:24,564 --> 00:12:27,840
and then back home in
time for tea and medals.
306
00:12:27,924 --> 00:12:32,874
George, who's using the
family brain-cell at the moment?
307
00:12:32,965 --> 00:12:35,241
This is just the
beginning of the training.
308
00:12:35,325 --> 00:12:36,881
The beginning of five long months
309
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:40,435
of very clever, very dull
men looking at machinery.
310
00:12:40,525 --> 00:12:42,201
FLASHHEART: Hey, girls!
Look at my machinery!
311
00:12:42,285 --> 00:12:43,601
[GIRLS SCREAMING]
312
00:12:43,685 --> 00:12:45,561
Enter a man who has no underwear.
313
00:12:45,645 --> 00:12:46,840
Ask me why.
314
00:12:46,925 --> 00:12:48,881
ALL: Why do you have
no underwear, Lord Flash?
315
00:12:48,965 --> 00:12:52,081
Because the pants haven't been
built yet that can take the job on.
316
00:12:52,165 --> 00:12:56,398
And that's the type of guy who's
doing the training around here.
317
00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:57,839
Sit down!
318
00:12:57,925 --> 00:12:59,836
Well, well, well, well, well.
319
00:12:59,925 --> 00:13:02,561
If it isn't old Captain Slack Bladder.
320
00:13:02,645 --> 00:13:04,397
Blackadder.
321
00:13:04,485 --> 00:13:06,476
Couldn't resist it, eh, Slack Bladder?
322
00:13:06,565 --> 00:13:08,317
Told you you thought I was great.
323
00:13:08,405 --> 00:13:11,796
All right men, let's dooo it!
324
00:13:11,885 --> 00:13:14,161
The first thing to remember is:
325
00:13:14,245 --> 00:13:17,875
Always treat your kite
like you treat your woman.
326
00:13:18,085 --> 00:13:19,598
How… How do you mean, sir?
327
00:13:19,685 --> 00:13:20,959
Do you mean…
328
00:13:21,045 --> 00:13:23,642
Do you mean take her home at
weekends to meet your mother?
329
00:13:23,726 --> 00:13:25,922
No, I mean get inside her five times a day
330
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:27,997
and take her to heaven and back!
331
00:13:31,966 --> 00:13:33,877
I'm beginning to see why
332
00:13:33,966 --> 00:13:35,922
the Suffragette Movement want the vote.
333
00:13:36,006 --> 00:13:36,962
Hey, hey!
334
00:13:37,046 --> 00:13:39,720
Any bird who wants to
chain herself to my railings
335
00:13:39,806 --> 00:13:41,956
and suffer a jet movement gets my vote!
336
00:13:42,046 --> 00:13:43,362
Uh, right.
337
00:13:43,446 --> 00:13:45,722
Well, I'll see you in
ten minutes for takeoff.
338
00:13:45,806 --> 00:13:47,035
Hang on, hang on!
339
00:13:48,086 --> 00:13:49,562
What about the months of training?
340
00:13:49,646 --> 00:13:50,920
Hey, wet-pants!
341
00:13:51,006 --> 00:13:52,682
This isn't the Women's
Auxiliary Balloon Corps.
342
00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:54,962
You're in the Twenty-Minuters now.
343
00:13:55,046 --> 00:13:57,282
Uh, sir… sir! Prat at the back!
344
00:13:57,366 --> 00:13:59,755
I think we'd all be intrigued to know
345
00:13:59,846 --> 00:14:01,996
why you're called the Twenty-Minuters.
346
00:14:02,086 --> 00:14:03,962
Oh, Mister Thicko.
347
00:14:04,046 --> 00:14:06,037
Imagine not knowing that.
348
00:14:06,126 --> 00:14:07,842
Well, it's simple!
349
00:14:07,926 --> 00:14:10,602
The average life expectancy
for a new pilot is twenty minutes.
350
00:14:10,686 --> 00:14:16,603
Ah… Life expectancy… of twenty minutes.
351
00:14:16,687 --> 00:14:17,802
That's right.
352
00:14:17,887 --> 00:14:19,843
Goggles on, chocks away,
last one back's a homo!
353
00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:20,837
Hurray!
354
00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:22,247
ALL: Hurray!
355
00:14:24,287 --> 00:14:27,723
So, we take off in ten minutes,
356
00:14:27,807 --> 00:14:30,196
we're in the air for twenty minutes,
357
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:33,803
which means we should be
dead by twenty-five to 10:00.
358
00:14:33,887 --> 00:14:35,002
Hairy blighters, sir.
359
00:14:35,087 --> 00:14:37,803
This is a bit of a
turnup for the plus fours.
360
00:14:37,887 --> 00:14:39,883
I shouldn't worry about
it too much, Blackadder.
361
00:14:39,967 --> 00:14:41,958
Flying's all about navigation.
362
00:14:44,607 --> 00:14:46,523
As long as you've got a good navigator,
363
00:14:46,607 --> 00:14:47,961
I'm sure you'll be fine.
364
00:14:48,047 --> 00:14:49,196
[SNICKERING]
365
00:14:59,167 --> 00:15:01,363
BLACKADDER: Actually, they're right.
This is a doddle.
366
00:15:01,447 --> 00:15:02,403
Careful, sir!
367
00:15:02,487 --> 00:15:04,398
Whoops, whoops, a little wobble there.
368
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:05,683
I'll get the hang of it, don't worry.
369
00:15:05,767 --> 00:15:07,764
All right, Baldrick, how
many rounds have we got?
370
00:15:07,848 --> 00:15:08,924
Uh, five hundred, sir.
371
00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:11,204
Cheese and tomato for you, rat for me.
372
00:15:11,288 --> 00:15:14,084
Tally-bally ho!
373
00:15:14,168 --> 00:15:16,724
What's this, sir?
374
00:15:16,808 --> 00:15:18,401
Baldrick! Baldrick!
375
00:15:18,488 --> 00:15:21,084
Will you stop assing about
and get back in the plane!
376
00:15:21,168 --> 00:15:22,761
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
377
00:15:22,848 --> 00:15:26,044
Hey, sir, I can see a pretty
red plane from up here.
378
00:15:26,128 --> 00:15:27,402
[CHUCKLES]
379
00:15:27,488 --> 00:15:28,284
Woo woo!
380
00:15:28,368 --> 00:15:32,244
Schnell! Da unten! [LAUGHS]
381
00:15:32,328 --> 00:15:33,443
Oh, no!
382
00:15:33,528 --> 00:15:36,164
Watch out, Baldrick,
it's stood right on our tail.
383
00:15:36,248 --> 00:15:39,798
Yes, now this is developing
into a distinctly boring situation,
384
00:15:39,888 --> 00:15:41,204
but we're still on our side of the line
385
00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:44,883
So I'll crash-land and claim
my ears went "pop" first time out.
386
00:15:44,968 --> 00:15:47,510
Ooh, let's hope we fall on something soft!
387
00:15:47,594 --> 00:15:47,960
Fine.
388
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:52,004
I'll try and aim between
General Melchett's ears!
389
00:15:52,088 --> 00:15:56,321
I don't believe it. A German prison cell.
390
00:15:56,408 --> 00:15:58,645
For two and a half years
the western front has been
391
00:15:58,729 --> 00:16:02,962
as likely to move as a Frenchman
who lives next door to a brothel,
392
00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:04,965
and last night the Germans advance a mile
393
00:16:05,049 --> 00:16:07,165
and we land on the wrong side.
394
00:16:07,249 --> 00:16:10,640
Ooh, dear, Captain B., my
tummy's gone all squirty.
395
00:16:10,729 --> 00:16:12,485
That's because you're scared, Baldrick,
396
00:16:12,569 --> 00:16:14,965
and you're not the only one.
I couldn't be more petrified
397
00:16:15,049 --> 00:16:18,963
if a wild rhinoceros had just come
home from a hard day at the swamp
398
00:16:19,049 --> 00:16:20,801
and found me wearing his pajamas,
399
00:16:20,889 --> 00:16:24,439
smoking his cigars
and in bed with his wife.
400
00:16:24,529 --> 00:16:26,725
I've heard what these
Germans will do, sir.
401
00:16:26,809 --> 00:16:29,961
They'll have their wicked way
with anything of woman born.
402
00:16:30,049 --> 00:16:32,765
Well, in that case,
Baldrick, you're quite safe.
403
00:16:32,849 --> 00:16:36,965
However, the Teutonic reputation
for brutality is well-founded…
404
00:16:37,049 --> 00:16:40,280
Their operas last three or four days,
405
00:16:40,369 --> 00:16:42,963
and they have no word for "fluffy."
406
00:16:43,049 --> 00:16:44,960
I want my mom!
407
00:16:45,049 --> 00:16:46,960
Yes, it'd be good to see her.
408
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:49,045
I should imagine a
maternally-outraged gorilla
409
00:16:49,129 --> 00:16:53,920
could be a useful ally when
it comes to the final scrap.
410
00:16:54,010 --> 00:16:55,326
[FOOTSTEPS]
411
00:16:55,410 --> 00:16:56,846
Prepare to die like a man, Baldrick.
412
00:16:56,930 --> 00:16:58,566
Or as close as you can come to a man
413
00:16:58,650 --> 00:17:01,768
without actually shaving
the palms of your hands.
414
00:17:03,850 --> 00:17:05,806
Good evening.
415
00:17:05,890 --> 00:17:08,200
I am Oberleutnant Von Gerhardt.
416
00:17:08,290 --> 00:17:10,926
I have a message from
the Baron Von Richthoven…
417
00:17:11,010 --> 00:17:13,286
The greatest living German.
418
00:17:13,370 --> 00:17:15,126
Which, considering
his competition consists
419
00:17:15,210 --> 00:17:17,599
entirely of very fat
men in leather shorts,
420
00:17:17,690 --> 00:17:20,486
burping to the tune of "She'll Be
Coming 'Round the Mountain,"
421
00:17:20,570 --> 00:17:21,966
is no great achievement.
422
00:17:22,050 --> 00:17:23,643
Quiet!
423
00:17:25,650 --> 00:17:27,243
And what is your message?
424
00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:32,962
It is: "Prepare for a fate worse
than death, English flying fellow."
425
00:17:33,050 --> 00:17:33,960
Oh.
426
00:17:34,050 --> 00:17:36,803
So, it's the traditional
warm German welcome.
427
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,005
Correct.
428
00:17:38,090 --> 00:17:41,967
Also, he is saying, "Do not try to
escape or you will suffer even worse."
429
00:17:42,051 --> 00:17:45,007
"A fate worse than a
fate worse than death."
430
00:17:45,091 --> 00:17:47,082
That's pretty bad.
431
00:17:47,171 --> 00:17:48,967
Yes, well, you see,
432
00:17:49,051 --> 00:17:50,807
It's all very well for you, isn't it,
433
00:17:50,891 --> 00:17:53,527
Sitting here behind yer, behind
yer, behind yer comfy desk!
434
00:17:53,611 --> 00:17:54,967
Don't you take that
tone with me, Lieutenant,
435
00:17:55,051 --> 00:17:56,847
or I'll have you on a
charge for insubordination.
436
00:17:56,931 --> 00:17:58,727
Well, I'd rather be on a
charge for insubordination
437
00:17:58,811 --> 00:17:59,967
than on a charge of deserting a friend.
438
00:18:00,051 --> 00:18:01,647
How dare you talk to me like that!
439
00:18:01,731 --> 00:18:02,960
How dare I?
440
00:18:03,051 --> 00:18:05,047
Now, then, now then,
now, now, then, now then,
441
00:18:05,131 --> 00:18:09,287
now then, then now…
now then, what's going on here?
442
00:18:09,371 --> 00:18:11,527
That damn fool Blackadder
has crashed his plane
443
00:18:11,611 --> 00:18:12,807
behind enemy lines, sir.
444
00:18:12,891 --> 00:18:14,887
This young idiot wants
to go and try rescue him.
445
00:18:14,971 --> 00:18:16,887
It's a total waste of men and equipment.
446
00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:18,967
He's not a damn fool,
sir, he's a bally hero.
447
00:18:19,051 --> 00:18:20,280
All right. All right.
448
00:18:20,371 --> 00:18:21,447
I'll deal with this, Darling.
449
00:18:21,531 --> 00:18:23,327
Delicate touch needed, I fancy.
450
00:18:23,411 --> 00:18:25,561
Now, George,
451
00:18:25,651 --> 00:18:28,207
Do you remember when I came down
to visit you when you were a nipper
452
00:18:28,291 --> 00:18:29,407
for your sixth birthday?
453
00:18:29,491 --> 00:18:31,047
You used to have a lovely little rabbit…
454
00:18:31,131 --> 00:18:32,447
Beautiful little thing. Do you remember?
455
00:18:32,531 --> 00:18:34,762
-Flossy.
-That's right, Flossy.
456
00:18:34,852 --> 00:18:36,768
Do you remember what happened to Flossy?
457
00:18:36,852 --> 00:18:39,321
-You shot him.
-That's right.
458
00:18:39,412 --> 00:18:40,968
It was the kindest thing to do
459
00:18:41,052 --> 00:18:42,608
after he'd been run over by that car.
460
00:18:42,692 --> 00:18:46,481
-By your car, sir.
-Yes, by my car.
461
00:18:46,572 --> 00:18:48,483
But that too was an act of mercy
462
00:18:48,572 --> 00:18:50,968
when you would remember
that that dog had been set on him.
463
00:18:51,052 --> 00:18:53,965
-Your dog, sir.
-Yes, yes, my dog.
464
00:18:54,052 --> 00:18:55,608
But what I'm trying to say, George,
465
00:18:55,692 --> 00:18:57,568
is that the state young flossy was in
466
00:18:57,652 --> 00:18:59,488
after we'd scraped him off my front tire
467
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:03,964
is very much the state that
young Blackadder will be in now.
468
00:19:04,052 --> 00:19:06,965
If not very nearly dead,
then very actually dead.
469
00:19:07,052 --> 00:19:11,569
-Permission for lip to wobble, sir?
-Permission granted.
470
00:19:13,892 --> 00:19:15,326
Stout fellow.
471
00:19:15,412 --> 00:19:16,728
But surely, sir, you must allow me
472
00:19:16,812 --> 00:19:17,768
to at least try and save him.
473
00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:18,967
No, George.
474
00:19:19,052 --> 00:19:20,808
It would be as pointless
as trying to teach a woman
475
00:19:20,892 --> 00:19:23,327
the value of a good,
forward defensive stroke.
476
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:26,644
Besides, it would take a
superman to get him out of there,
477
00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:28,565
not the kind of weed who blubs
478
00:19:28,653 --> 00:19:32,647
just because somebody gives him a slice
of rabbit pie instead of birthday cake.
479
00:19:32,733 --> 00:19:34,449
Well, I suppose you're right, sir.
480
00:19:34,533 --> 00:19:35,807
'Course I am.
481
00:19:35,893 --> 00:19:38,089
Now, let's talk about
something more jolly, shall we?
482
00:19:38,173 --> 00:19:41,009
Look, this is the amount of land
we've recaptured since yesterday.
483
00:19:41,093 --> 00:19:42,242
Oh, excellent.
484
00:19:42,333 --> 00:19:45,529
Um, what is the actual
scale of this map, Darling?
485
00:19:45,613 --> 00:19:49,766
-Um, one-to-one, sir.
-Come again?
486
00:19:49,853 --> 00:19:53,972
Uh, the map is actually life-size, sir.
It's superbly detailed.
487
00:19:54,373 --> 00:19:55,969
-Look, there's a little worm.
-Oh, yes.
488
00:19:56,053 --> 00:19:58,567
So the actual amount of land retaken is…
489
00:19:58,653 --> 00:20:00,371
Excuse me, sir.
490
00:20:02,253 --> 00:20:03,969
Seventeen square feet, sir.
491
00:20:04,053 --> 00:20:04,804
Excellent.
492
00:20:04,893 --> 00:20:08,284
So you see, young Blackadder
didn't die horribly in vain after all.
493
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:09,849
If he did die, sir.
494
00:20:09,933 --> 00:20:10,843
[SCOFFS]
495
00:20:10,933 --> 00:20:12,367
That's the spirit, George.
496
00:20:12,453 --> 00:20:14,969
If nothing else works, then a
total pig-headed unwillingness
497
00:20:15,053 --> 00:20:17,807
to look facts in the
face will see us through.
498
00:20:22,254 --> 00:20:23,608
So!
499
00:20:23,694 --> 00:20:26,890
I am the Red Baron Von Richthoven
500
00:20:26,974 --> 00:20:29,727
and you are the two English flying aces
501
00:20:29,814 --> 00:20:32,966
responsible for the spilling
of the precious German blood
502
00:20:33,054 --> 00:20:37,924
of many of my finest
and my blondest friends.
503
00:20:38,014 --> 00:20:42,053
I have waited many months to do this.
504
00:20:47,014 --> 00:20:48,970
You may have been right, Balders.
505
00:20:49,054 --> 00:20:52,046
Looks like we're going to
get rogered to death after all.
506
00:20:52,134 --> 00:20:54,967
Do you want me to go first, sir?
507
00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:56,727
[LAUGHS]
508
00:20:56,814 --> 00:20:59,328
You English and your sense of humor.
509
00:20:59,414 --> 00:21:02,964
During your brief stay, I look
forward to learning more of your wit,
510
00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:07,969
your punning and your amusing
jokes about the breaking of the wind.
511
00:21:08,054 --> 00:21:11,931
-Well, Baldrick's the expert there.
-I certainly am, sir.
512
00:21:12,015 --> 00:21:13,411
[LAUGHING]
513
00:21:13,495 --> 00:21:17,371
How lucky you English are
to find the toilet so amusing.
514
00:21:17,455 --> 00:21:20,846
For us, it is a mundane
and functional item.
515
00:21:20,935 --> 00:21:24,849
For you, the basis of an entire culture.
516
00:21:28,055 --> 00:21:31,127
I must now tell you of the
full horror of what awaits you.
517
00:21:31,215 --> 00:21:32,728
Ah, you see, Balders.
518
00:21:32,815 --> 00:21:34,971
Dress it up in any amount
of pompous verbal diarrhea,
519
00:21:35,055 --> 00:21:37,046
and the message is "squareheads down"
520
00:21:37,135 --> 00:21:39,285
"for the big Boche gang bang."
521
00:21:39,375 --> 00:21:41,969
As an officer and a gentleman,
522
00:21:42,055 --> 00:21:45,207
you will be looking forward
to a quick and noble death.
523
00:21:45,295 --> 00:21:46,569
Well, obviously.
524
00:21:46,655 --> 00:21:50,771
But, instead, an even
worse fate awaits you.
525
00:21:50,855 --> 00:21:53,210
Tomorrow you will be
taken back to Germany…
526
00:21:53,295 --> 00:21:54,205
Here it comes!
527
00:21:54,295 --> 00:21:58,289
To a convent school outside Heidelberg,
528
00:21:58,375 --> 00:22:01,050
where you will spend the rest of the war
529
00:22:01,136 --> 00:22:05,687
teaching the young girls home economics.
530
00:22:05,776 --> 00:22:08,972
Uh… For you, as a man of honor,
531
00:22:09,056 --> 00:22:13,129
the humiliation will be unbearable!
532
00:22:13,216 --> 00:22:16,012
Oh, I think you'll find we're
tougher than you imagine.
533
00:22:16,096 --> 00:22:20,966
Ha! I can tell how much you
are suffering by your long feces.
534
00:22:21,056 --> 00:22:24,208
"We're not suffering too
much to say thank you."
535
00:22:24,296 --> 00:22:25,206
Thank you.
536
00:22:25,296 --> 00:22:26,332
Say thank you, Baldrick.
537
00:22:26,416 --> 00:22:27,531
Thank you, Baldrick.
538
00:22:27,616 --> 00:22:31,689
[LAUGHING] How amusing.
But now, forgive me.
539
00:22:31,776 --> 00:22:34,972
I must take to the skies once again.
540
00:22:35,056 --> 00:22:36,171
Very funny.
541
00:22:36,256 --> 00:22:38,892
The noble Lord Flashheart still eludes me.
542
00:22:38,976 --> 00:22:40,967
I think you'll find he's overrated.
543
00:22:41,056 --> 00:22:43,972
Bad breath and… impotent, they say.
544
00:22:44,056 --> 00:22:46,809
Sexual innuendo.
545
00:22:46,896 --> 00:22:47,966
[LAUGHS]
546
00:22:48,056 --> 00:22:49,205
But enough of this.
547
00:22:49,296 --> 00:22:55,407
As you say in England, I must fly.
[LAUGHS]
548
00:22:55,497 --> 00:22:58,137
Perhaps I will master
this humor after all, ja?
549
00:22:58,257 --> 00:23:00,373
I wouldn't be too optimistic.
550
00:23:00,457 --> 00:23:02,687
Oh, and the little fellow,
551
00:23:02,777 --> 00:23:05,333
If you get lonely in the
night, I'm in the old chateau.
552
00:23:05,417 --> 00:23:07,215
There's no pressure.
553
00:23:08,777 --> 00:23:11,053
[LAUGHS] Pratfall!
554
00:23:12,217 --> 00:23:13,730
Is it really true, sir?
555
00:23:13,817 --> 00:23:15,728
Is the war really over for us?
556
00:23:15,817 --> 00:23:16,966
Yup!
557
00:23:17,057 --> 00:23:19,890
Out of the war and teaching
nuns how to boil eggs.
558
00:23:19,977 --> 00:23:22,093
For us, the great war is finito.
559
00:23:22,177 --> 00:23:24,407
A war that would be a damn sight simpler
560
00:23:24,497 --> 00:23:25,693
if we'd just stayed in England
561
00:23:25,777 --> 00:23:27,927
and shot fifty thousand of our men a week.
562
00:23:28,017 --> 00:23:31,169
No more mud, death, rats, bombs, shrapnel,
563
00:23:31,777 --> 00:23:34,690
whizbangs, barbed wire
and those bloody awful songs
564
00:23:34,777 --> 00:23:37,413
that have the word "whoops" in the title.
565
00:23:37,497 --> 00:23:39,966
Oh, damn! He's… He's left the door open.
566
00:23:40,057 --> 00:23:41,413
Oh, good! We can escape, sir.
567
00:23:41,497 --> 00:23:42,973
Are you mad, Baldrick?
568
00:23:43,057 --> 00:23:44,969
I'll find someone to lock it for us.
569
00:23:45,058 --> 00:23:46,969
Shush! Keep-ee! Mum's the word!
570
00:23:47,058 --> 00:23:48,173
Not 'arf, or what?
571
00:23:50,538 --> 00:23:53,974
Sir, why did you just slam
the door on Lieutenant George?
572
00:23:54,058 --> 00:23:56,694
I can't believe it. Go away!
573
00:23:56,778 --> 00:23:57,973
It's me. It's me.
574
00:23:58,058 --> 00:23:59,969
But what the hell are you doing here?
575
00:24:00,058 --> 00:24:01,969
Oh, never mind the hows and the whys
576
00:24:02,058 --> 00:24:03,969
and the do-you-mind-if-I-don'ts.
577
00:24:04,058 --> 00:24:06,334
But it would have taken
a superman to get in here.
578
00:24:06,418 --> 00:24:08,294
Well, it's funny you should say that,
579
00:24:08,378 --> 00:24:10,014
because as it happens I did have some help
580
00:24:10,098 --> 00:24:11,611
from a rather spiffing bloke.
581
00:24:11,698 --> 00:24:14,814
He's taken a break from
some crucial top-level shagging.
582
00:24:14,898 --> 00:24:18,448
It… It's me, hurray!
583
00:24:18,538 --> 00:24:19,687
Hurray!
584
00:24:21,978 --> 00:24:23,412
God's potatoes, George.
585
00:24:23,498 --> 00:24:25,534
You said Noble Brother
Flyers were in the lurch.
586
00:24:25,618 --> 00:24:27,294
If I'd known you meant Old Slack Bladder
587
00:24:27,378 --> 00:24:29,454
and the mound of the
Hound of the Baskervilles,
588
00:24:29,538 --> 00:24:32,814
I'd probably have let them
stew in their own juice.
589
00:24:32,898 --> 00:24:34,294
And let me tell you, if I ever tried that,
590
00:24:34,378 --> 00:24:35,813
I'd probably drown.
591
00:24:35,899 --> 00:24:37,810
[LAUGHING]
592
00:24:37,899 --> 00:24:39,094
Oh!
593
00:24:39,179 --> 00:24:43,332
Still, since I'm here, I
may as well doooo it.
594
00:24:43,419 --> 00:24:45,015
As the bishop said to the netball team,
595
00:24:45,099 --> 00:24:46,851
"Come on, chums!"
596
00:24:49,579 --> 00:24:52,695
Aah! Ow! Aah!
597
00:24:52,779 --> 00:24:53,735
Come on.
598
00:24:53,819 --> 00:24:55,215
Yes, yes. Look, I'm sorry, chaps,
599
00:24:55,299 --> 00:24:57,449
But I've splintered my pancreas.
600
00:24:57,539 --> 00:25:00,008
Um, and I seem to
have this terrible cough.
601
00:25:00,099 --> 00:25:01,575
CV-guards! CV-guards!
602
00:25:01,659 --> 00:25:04,888
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.
603
00:25:04,979 --> 00:25:07,812
Now, I may be packing the kind of tackle
604
00:25:07,899 --> 00:25:10,055
that you'd normally expect
to find swinging about
605
00:25:10,139 --> 00:25:13,575
between the hind legs of
a Grand National winner,
606
00:25:13,659 --> 00:25:15,615
But I'm not totally stupid,
607
00:25:15,699 --> 00:25:17,770
and I've got the kind of feeling
608
00:25:17,859 --> 00:25:19,095
you'd rather we hadn't come.
609
00:25:19,179 --> 00:25:20,692
No, no, no, I'm very grateful.
610
00:25:20,779 --> 00:25:22,095
It's just that I'd slow you up.
611
00:25:22,179 --> 00:25:23,975
I think I'm beginning to understand.
612
00:25:24,059 --> 00:25:25,129
Are… Are you?
613
00:25:25,219 --> 00:25:28,372
Just because I can give multiple orgasms
614
00:25:28,460 --> 00:25:31,016
to the furniture just by sitting on it,
615
00:25:31,100 --> 00:25:34,536
doesn't mean that I'm
not sick of this damn war:
616
00:25:34,620 --> 00:25:39,615
The blood, the noise, the endless poetry.
617
00:25:39,700 --> 00:25:41,976
Is that really what you think, Flashheart?
618
00:25:42,060 --> 00:25:43,176
Course it's not what I think.
619
00:25:43,260 --> 00:25:44,489
Now get out that door
620
00:25:44,580 --> 00:25:46,976
before I redecorate that
wall an interesting new color
621
00:25:47,060 --> 00:25:48,289
called "hint of brain."
622
00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:49,496
Excellent. Well, that's clear.
623
00:25:49,580 --> 00:25:51,651
Let's get back to that lovely war, then!
624
00:25:51,740 --> 00:25:53,060
-Woof! Woof!
-Bark!
625
00:25:55,580 --> 00:25:57,651
Not so fast, Blackadder.
626
00:25:57,740 --> 00:26:00,536
Oh, damn! Foiled again! What bad luck!
627
00:26:00,620 --> 00:26:05,136
Ah, and the Lord Flashheart.
This is indeed an honor.
628
00:26:05,220 --> 00:26:09,134
Finally, the two greatest
gentleman flyers in the world meet.
629
00:26:09,220 --> 00:26:11,973
Two men of honor, who
have jousted together
630
00:26:12,060 --> 00:26:14,973
in the cloud-strewn glory of the skies,
631
00:26:15,060 --> 00:26:16,892
face to face at last.
632
00:26:16,980 --> 00:26:20,292
How often I have rehearsed this
moment of destiny in my dreams.
633
00:26:20,381 --> 00:26:25,251
The opportunity to encapsulate the
unspoken nobility of our comradeship…
634
00:26:25,341 --> 00:26:26,570
[BANG]
635
00:26:26,661 --> 00:26:28,617
What a poof!
636
00:26:28,701 --> 00:26:30,055
Come on!
637
00:26:35,301 --> 00:26:36,301
Oh! Oh!
638
00:26:38,061 --> 00:26:40,575
-Hello, Darling.
-Good lord.
639
00:26:40,661 --> 00:26:42,057
Captain Blackadder, I thought you were…
640
00:26:42,141 --> 00:26:44,132
-Playing tennis?
-No.
641
00:26:44,221 --> 00:26:47,177
-Dead?
-Well, yes, unfortunately.
642
00:26:47,261 --> 00:26:49,855
Well, I had a lucky
escape, no thanks to you.
643
00:26:49,941 --> 00:26:51,454
This is a friend of mine.
644
00:26:51,541 --> 00:26:52,975
Argh!
645
00:26:53,061 --> 00:26:54,734
Hi, cretin.
646
00:26:54,821 --> 00:26:56,457
Flashheart, this is captain Darling.
647
00:26:56,541 --> 00:26:57,736
Captain Darling?
648
00:26:57,821 --> 00:26:59,777
Funny name for a guy, isn't it?
649
00:26:59,861 --> 00:27:03,456
Last person I called "darling"
was pregnant twenty seconds later.
650
00:27:04,781 --> 00:27:07,337
Hear you couldn't be
bothered to help old Slacky here.
651
00:27:07,421 --> 00:27:09,377
Uh, well, it… it wasn't quite that, sir.
652
00:27:09,461 --> 00:27:10,977
It's just that we weighed
up the pros and cons,
653
00:27:11,061 --> 00:27:14,018
and decided it wasn't a reasonable
use of our time and resources.
654
00:27:14,102 --> 00:27:15,218
Well, this isn't a reasonable use
655
00:27:15,302 --> 00:27:17,698
of my time and resources,
but I'm going to do it anyway.
656
00:27:17,782 --> 00:27:18,615
What?
657
00:27:18,702 --> 00:27:21,012
-This!
-Oh!
658
00:27:25,782 --> 00:27:28,938
All right, Slacky! I've got to fly.
659
00:27:29,022 --> 00:27:31,818
Two million chicks, only one Flashheart.
660
00:27:31,902 --> 00:27:34,337
And remember, if you
want something, take it.
661
00:27:34,422 --> 00:27:36,413
Bobby!
662
00:27:36,502 --> 00:27:37,617
My lord!
663
00:27:37,702 --> 00:27:38,294
I want something!
664
00:27:38,382 --> 00:27:40,100
-Take it!
-Woof!
665
00:27:41,222 --> 00:27:42,371
Git!
666
00:27:43,422 --> 00:27:45,978
-Ah, Blackadder, so you escaped.
-Yes, sir.
667
00:27:46,062 --> 00:27:46,972
Bravo!
668
00:27:47,062 --> 00:27:48,973
Don't slouch, Darling.
669
00:27:49,062 --> 00:27:50,218
I was wondering whether,
670
00:27:50,302 --> 00:27:52,978
having been tortured by the most
vicious sadist of the German army,
671
00:27:53,062 --> 00:27:54,978
I might be allowed a
week's leave to recuperate.
672
00:27:55,062 --> 00:27:56,177
Excellent idea.
673
00:27:56,262 --> 00:27:59,812
Your commanding officer would have
to be stark raving mad to refuse you.
674
00:27:59,902 --> 00:28:01,938
You are my commanding officer.
675
00:28:02,022 --> 00:28:03,218
Well?
676
00:28:03,303 --> 00:28:05,339
Can I have a week's
leave to recuperate, sir?
677
00:28:05,423 --> 00:28:06,697
Certainly not!
678
00:28:06,783 --> 00:28:08,217
-Thank you, sir.
-Baah!